Dealing with "I'm bored."
My children lived in an enriched environment. They had me and their father, each other, food, music, toys , art materials and many books inside the house. Outside in a fenced in back yard was a sand box, Tonka trucks, a potty, wading pool, a swing set. I could see the whole backyard from my kitchen window. We went to the park almost every day, and we went to gym and swim at the YMCA tuesday and thursday mornings. After we moved to the country the out doors was 1 and half acres.
Each "I'm bored" was a personal insult to me. Very early on I treated I'm bored by giving the child a tooth brush and making him or her clean the kitchen floor, so they could experience real boredom. Occasionally I overheard my own children warning their friends...if you tell my mom you're bored, you'll get the toothbrush for the kitchen floor.
My girls were in Girl guides, so I often drove them to campsites, and ended up putting up the tents which were the same tent I had a a child
Only one way got the tents up, many leaders flailed and failed with those tents, and there was an audible sign of relief whenever I arrived. In the middle of the wilderness, my reputation preceded me, I overheard one guide say to another. "Don't tell Mrs. Candlish you are bored, she'll give you the toothbrush, and there isn't a kitchen floor here."
The strangest "I'm bored" came from my best friends second daughter. We were at the time in a water park with slides which I had paid for. She came over, sat down beside her mother and proclaimed "I'm bored." Her mother felt she needed attention, while I felt she needed discipline. However it was her mother's call of course. The child managed to destroy most of the pleasure of the day by being sulky and horrible as the "I'm bored" was the highest point of her mood that day.
Part of I'm bored." is the bottom of a temper tantrum from kids who used temper tantrums to manipulate the parent.
What is a child saying when he or she says "I'm bored." Does it mean they are temporarily incapable of dealing with their current environment? Does it mean they want personal attention? I never found hugging a child did anything for the boredom. They did not want love, they wanted more good stuff, cookies, drinks, toys. Most parents don't have a clue as to what the kid wants at that exact point in time but clearly remember how awful the child can be if they fail to please the child, and mentally leap to their feet to prevent child behavior de-escalation.
The hard of hearing child did not have enough language to get to the verbal statement "I'm bored." He flipped over to a tantrum much sooner.
Reid's deafness and other problems made him the second most difficult child in my life. His sister after having her first baby went into post partum depression, and was finally diagnosed as ultra rapid- cycling bi polar. Regardless of what Freud said that children could not be diagnosed with bi polar, I truly wish Freud did not still have an impact on psychiatric disorders, because my child's behaviors has been the same since she was born. Everyone in the family would have had better times, the school system, the home environment, if the bi polar child had been identified and helped. This is the article in this web on bi -polar children.
http://www.hardofhearingchildren.com/Great%20Information/bi%20polar%20children%20Oct%202005.htm
Jonathan is diagnosed as ADHD of the fast type. He squirrels the same as Reid did. Reid was diagnosed with ADHD adhd of the slow type when he was 16. Squirrelling is running and running and running around the same place, especially when there is an alternate type of activity like sitting down, looking at things. Outside I see a skinny high energy kid who runs around. I think most kids are this high energy to begin with. One of the education systems big failures is to avoid providing gym and sports every day, recess outside with lots to do.
Walking is better for the family and the Air.
My generation walked to and from school in the morning, at lunch and after school, and had gym at school every day. Collectively we had less boiling energy inside at school. Today most of the children are driven every where in fear that a boogeyman ( reinforced by the evening news) will get the kid., When I was a kid, the parents around the schools were home, and knew each other. When I lived in Oakville all the moms knew each other as we walked to and from school with the kids. Ann Muvale the present mayor of Oakville was among my walking buddies at Wh.H Morden school. Parents also served as leaders or volunteers in Scouts and Guides and other community kid groups.
Today most f the parents sit outside the school waiting for the child to emerge into the car. The family is on a schedule, and more than half the kids are diagnosed with ADHD.
Jonathan the great had a spell of boredom this week. Grandparents have the advantage of choosing whether to take on the bored child, depending on finances and energy levels. I took him to see his first movie "Ratatouile". Terrific movie.
Enjoy August.
PAM Candlish
August 5,2007